i officially locked out the world today.

oh dearest, dear

today, as animals tend to do, one of our dogs died today. she was 14. she was old, yes. and my dad was scared he would have to put her to sleep, which i know would have killed him. when my mom called today to see if i had received an email from my dad, i told her no, which is when she told me poacher died. of course, i started crying. but just a few glistening tears. and mostly because when she talked to my dad, he was crying (the only time i've ever seen my dad cry is when his favorite dog has died). she did everything with him. she went to the middle fork, on float trips, camping trips, all trotting alongside of whatever mule my dad was riding. so, i came home to check to see if he had sent me an email. he had. and i kind of lost it because this is what he wrote:

"To all,

We lost Poacher today just before noon. I came home from the shop and let the dogs out. Poacher went as far as the patio and was panting heavily. She laid down and about 10 minutes later, she was going. At least she didn't give me the pain of having to put her down. Fortunately, I was there to say good-bye. She's resting in the edge of the yard now.

Good bye to a wonderful friend.

Buster"

then he posted these pictures...







i think it's so interesting how people become so attached to animals. but i guess they typically treat you better than other people. i want to call my dad, but i can't hear him cry.

ding!

kristan = home soon = my life getting back on track.

and learning what the equilibrium in my ears is capable of.

and seeing the world.

i miss...

nothing was ever simple, but looking back, it sure feels like it now. i miss meeting new people and the mystery of a city not yet explored.
i miss not being jaded.
i miss the part where life lessons were coming at a rapid, daily pace.
i miss having a friend that i could fully rely on.
i have learned astronomical amounts from a few people over the past few years. and i suppose it's time to move on.



and i want to go to dan's ferry really bad, but there is no one to go with me.

just a thought...

does it seem weird that i think it's completely bizarre that there is even a debate over gay marriage? it seems like such a simple concept to me. two people are in love, let them have the same rights as others who are in love. from what i've heard, those opposed to gay marriage are so because his or her religion "believes" (maybe even wrongfully so, depending on how you take one passage in the bible). but when did everyone in this country become a good, god-fearing christian? not me. is that why i am for gay marriage? no, no, that can't be so. i know plenty of lovely christians who also believe that two people should be able to get married. could this be yet another case in which certain individuals are trying to transform his or her dogma into law? i don't know the answer to that one, but i'm leaning towards yes.
hmmm...what can it be.
i also think it is funny when people say "gay marriage is wrong." huh. i don't remember voting for any of my peers or congress-people to be the morality police....
i know people who think it's wrong to wear white after labor day. but it certainly is not illegal.
logically, there are things in this world that have been widely accepted as being "wrong." smacking a kid is wrong, rape is wrong, driving drunk is wrong. the aforementioned crimes have the tendency to harm people, and take away their rights. but...isn't withholding marriage from people also taking away a certain right...? call me crazy.
is this all a matter of heart (faith) and head (logic)?
i know there is also an issue because marriage is a religious ceremony. wait, let me rephrase...marriage is a religious ceremony if the couple CHOOSES it to be. as far as the marriage certificate goes? oh, it's a legal document. legal. meaning, law. meaning, separation of church and state. but, on the same note, i get it. some people don't want to go as far as to have the same title within their relationship as someone who is gay. why? i don't know. do they think that if gay people get married it will somehow tarnish their marriage license? like...it will burst into flames in their filing cabinet (because that's where people typically keep their legal documents, not on the wall in a frame)? i know that is taking it a bit far. but seriously, if that tends to bother people so much, change the name. it's been discussed: if you want a religious ceremony, call it a marriage. if you want to marry someone you love without all the god-talk, call it a civil union. as long as the two hold the same rights, go for it.
the issue i still see with that is the problem of acceptance. it's hard for me to grasp any sort of understanding how this basically all comes down to acceptance. when is someone going to write a new version of the bible that people are living by these days?
1. love thy neighbor: as long as they aren't TOO different from you and hold the exact same values. if they don't, you can forget that fourth of july bbq you were going to invite them to.
2. god loves everyone: except for everyone who HE made different.

what i am trying to say is, a beautiful thing, that seems so simple to me, has turned into one giant, ugly, hateful mess. and the only reasons against gay marriage i have ever heard are based on faith and not on facts. so if anyone has any reason as to why two people who love each other should not get married, regardless of their sex, that is NOT based on faith, please, let me know. i will probably disagree with you, but i will at least hold your argument valid.