i'm an idiot

last night i locked my bike lock to the bike rack. but not my bike. and then left it there while i was at work.
miraculously, my bike was still there when i returned. i never get that lucky!

in other news, i impatiently await the arrival of THIS:

hmmm

what do you think worries people more:
1.) when people talk about them
2.) when people STOP talking about them.
i'm going to go with the latter.

i frequently wonder if there is any such thing as actual selflessness.

me, me, me. when a situation isn't about me, i'm going to make it about me. because i'm the only me there is and everyone else should recognize that.

sometimes people make me gag on that dangly in the back of my throat. and spit.

what have i done to myself

if my emotions took the form of a human, this is what would happen:

emotion-man would go to the doctor for a routine check-up. during this check-up, something very interesting would happen.
while my emotion-man looked like a fine individual on the outside, x-rays would reveal someone that looked like they were in a head-on collision.

lacerated sadness of the liver
punctured lung of happiness
ruptured kidney of confusion on one side
other ruptured kidney of jealousy
the ulcer of love slowly oozed into the stomach of despair
while the heart of ambition and adventure steadily thumped away, but with very clogged arteries. it won't be long now.
while all of these organs were leaking toxic chemicals into emotion-man's main core, he seemed to be progressing fine through his everyday life. it's amazing what you'll find inside people.

it's funny that we lie to each other, not ever to make anyone else feel better, but only ourselves. no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves of the former. it's even better when we lie to ourselves.

i'm stuck in purgatory in all forms. boise is ok, but it isn't great. and it certainly isn't super crappy. my well-being is ok, but why do i keep robbing myself of any and all opportunities?
where have my true friends gone? when will the sunshine stay? when will i finally want to drag myself out of my apartment and be ok with everything?
someone find me a new home.
someone find me inspiration of any sort.
someone find me a creative outlet.
if you need me, i'll be sleeping.

i hope no one ever takes me seriously again.

goodnight.

sometimes i wish the world had an eyelid.

le sigh

i'm hot.

by now, kristan and i are super sick of cairns. luckily yesterday, one of the boys we met dancing took us to creeks. fresh water creeks, with no jellyfish. however, there was the threat of crocodiles. this, scared the shit out of me. and so does water anyway. but i got a little wet. and that's all that matters.

qantas apparently doesn't work on weekends. apparently i can't order a vegetarian meal. apprently they hate americans too.

we met 4 australian footballers. who all happen to be italian. they spent their time in cairns completely drunk from about 2 pm until...they fell asleep at 7 am. they knew how to party, and were pretty nice. it was good to have some company, because, what else were we going to do? all the bars here are god-awful, as i'm sure i already written. plus, they were nice to look at. i think i feel slightly homesick today because i'm sick of sweating and not even moving. and i miss people. and i want kristan to come home with me.

i told kristan last night that i'm pretty sure i gained a little new perspective on this trip, which is what i was aiming for. it's hard to get sucked into the vortex that is boise. it's nice to see that people are getting out, going places, learning new things, having discussions, everything. everything's good.
except for mexican food in australia. last night i paid $45 for the smallest, crappiest, most tasteless enchiladas and watered down margarita EVER. we are spoiled with our mexican food. luckily we ran into our aussie/italian soccer friends to give us pizza immediately after. thanks boys.

did i mention how cute kolas were? oh geez. i miss everyone. lots. i'll be seeing all your pale faces soon.

dear woolshed,

go eat a dick.

i hate your dancing girls on the tables. there has to be some health code violation regarding that. especially in this heat. i don't want to eat off a table where a girl's cha-cha sweat has dripped.

we also don't like your 45 year old english men who have watched every single episode of the "pick up artist" and taken ALL of their advice to hit on 23 year old girls.

it was ridiculous. old guy #1 was hitting on me. his "wingman" eventually brought him a drink and started talking to kristan. so stupid. the main topic of conversation is usually politics, of course, and how everyone hates americans. because, well, they typically do.
BUT i knew this guy had other things in mind when i said, "everyone hates americans" and he said, "why?"
and i said, "because our government"
and he said, "that's not your fault."
INSTANTLY KNEW he was trying to get his old man parts in my young girl pants. please. you're old enough to know that everyone hates americans and why they do.
we basically had to sneak out of the place to get rid of them. they didn't really respect personal bubbles either. ew.

fortunately i drug kristan into one more crowded bar, with less old farts, where we found 2 boys hard-core dancing to dance music. so we laughed and danced with them. they did not try and hit on us. so we liked them. and it was fun. some bitch cut my leg with her dumb high-heel. and i've never sweated so much in my life. dancing + humidity + high temperatures = sweat bath. hawt!

however, we DID hold koala bears yesterday. photos don't do them justice. they're so.
SO. SOOOO fucking cute. hot damn. and not as stinky as expected, which was nice.

oh yeah. and those aussie soccer players. read kristan'd blog. i'm pretty sure she wrote about them.

wait...she just erased half of it. maybe you'll be able to read about them.

today just sucks. it's hot. we ran out of shit to do. and the locals are starting to recognize us. that can't be good. i just want to sit and sweat in the air-con all day.

glub glub

today kristan and i went to the great barrier reef. we got up super early and walked to a boat, got on it, lathered on "sun cream" and headed out. now, here is the thing, for those of you who know me understand that i have a completely irrational fear of deep water. so i thought i was doing great when i signed up for the brief ten-minute trial run for scuba diving. after ten minutes of being comfortable, you have the option to go on a full dive.

so. we get this cape thing where there was reef, but not "the great barrier reef," they put a ridiculously heaving breathing thingy on your back, along with weights to help you sink, and you jump into the water and hold onto a rope. soo...it's really hard for me to breath out of my mouth unless i'm sick right? so i was having a hard time, even though these amazingly rad fish were swimming all around. big flat batfish or something. anyways, i kinda freaked out and got out. BUT kristan when on the full trip and got to touch sea turtles! so jealous. but i was so safe on that little boat, out of the water. she said at one moment she had a slight panic attack and thought she couldn't breathe, so she had to come to the surface for a hot second.

oh, did i forget to mention we put on these ridiculous stinger-resistant suits? if you read my last blog, you'd know it was jelly season down here. we looked amazing.

while she was swimming with the fishies, i went over to the cape thing. there's only about a 100 foot stretch of the island people can be on because it's a bird sanctuary, but that's cool. i grabbed a little floaty device so i couldn't drown and snorkeled around for a bit. and it was AMAZING. giant clams, such colorful coral, bunches of fishes. i didn't see any turtles when i was under, but i saw one when i got back on the boat.

THEN they took us to the reef where we could snorkel around. also very very beautiful. there were weird table-like formations, the "brain" reef, parrot fish? and bunches of other stuff. it was a great experience even though my throat was pretty sore from ingesting all the salt water. oh, and i didn't wear my stinger suit the second time around. teeny tiny coral pieces break off and kinda poke you in the bod as you're swimming around, which tended to freak me out, thinking it was a jelly, but i was luckily wrong.

so then we made our way back, got a lil' sunburnt, and drank some toohey's. such a good day overall. tomorrow we meet the koala bears.

bungeeeeee

holy.
shit.

that was insane-o.
i suggest everyone bungee over the rain forest.

*sigh* this

i feel like i'm living a dream. i was sitting at dinner tonight thinking about how awful it would be to wake up and realize that this wasn't real. sydney is such an incredible city. it's full of everything i ever wanted: culture, sunshine, and a wide variety of food.

today we went to manly beach. it's about a 30 minute ferry ride from the harbor. as i said the other day, when we went to bondi beach, it was pretty crappy weather, which didn't necessarily ruin the experience, it just wasn't as awesome. so as we were boarding the ferry, we saw a girl that we typically see at the breakfast table at the hostel by herself. we didn't know her at all, so we asked her if she wanted to hang out with us at the beach. her name is fredrica (i probably butchered that spelling) and she is from germany. and oh my gosh. the beach was amazing. fredrica fit right in with us. she went out and started crashing through the waves. kristan and i followed. that's right, i faced the ocean. and it was scary, but SO fun. but i'm not so good at having salt water in my eyes, so i went back to the towel a bit early. we decided it was time to leave the beach after an abnormally large wave came spilling up the beach and drowned all of our belongings as we scrambled to pull as much away as possible. my sandals went floating out to sea, however. BUT kristan saved the day and went bombing out into the frothy water and sloshed around until she found both of them.

*break*

this is now two days later. we've gone from sydney (the greatest town on earth) and made it to cairns. after the beach we went to mardi gras. mardi gras is nothing like you think it is in the states. i didn't see any boobs and i didn't see any beads. but what i did see, were many drag queens and close to 1 million people stuffed within about a 4 block radius. there was such good energy in the air. it was simply a pride festival. and we spent it with three other amazing ladies from around the globe. the only crappy thing is that we arrived a little late. the parade starts at 8 pm and people apparently had camped out to get good seats. we didn't get there until about...8. there were about 4 rows of people back on each street, the last row standing on stools. past that there was simply a gigantic MOB of people, shoulder to shoulder, with no breathing room. i brushed bodies with many a half-naked boys who were with a dozen other half-naky boys. on the prowl for mostly naky boys. it was great. eventually, we found an alley that, even though still stuffed with people, miraculously had a window about 3 and a half feet up. so i had kristan boost me up there where i could see the parade, above everyone's heads. the police told me to move. i didn't. but they moved on anyway, so what do i care? it was a really great experience and i'm glad i didn't fall and break my neck off the windowsill.

so like i said, we're now in cairns. the day before we got here, a cyclone ripped through. apparently it was only a category 2 and moved up the coast. it's now a category 5. i'm glad we're not there. it's ridiculously hot here. thank GOD for a/c. i wouldn't make it without it. cairns is pretty small, probably the size of boise. today we went to a beach, thinking that it would save us from this heat and humidity. after a 40 minute bus ride, we got to the beach and it was CLOSED. the whole fucking thing. jelly season. they usually have nets up, but i guess they were extra bad today. so we cut our losses and bussed back. when i got extra car-sick. after my bout of nausea, we made it down to this pool/lagoon thing in the city and swam around. that was nice. but now it's dinner time and i'm running out of money on my internet. i'll write more soon.

drugs!

please don't have strep throat, please don't have strep throat, pleasedon'thavestrepthroat.

my throat feels funky. last time it felt like this...i had strep. and what a good way to ruin a trip hmm? i'm going to attack it with oranges, airborne, sunshine. i bet it was from the airplane. fuck.
whatever it is, i'm killing it.

today's our last day in sydney. we plan on the beach and mardi gras. that's about it. we did the whole tourist thing the other day. the opera house, the bridge, the rocks, the awkward pizza shop where we were the only ones eating and got stared at the whole time by the all-male staff. i'm pretty sure everyone goes through that right?

our new roomies are pretty rad. we've got pria from sweden and hannah from britain. i like hannah. she isn't like the other brits that stayed here.

i really wish there was more to report, but that's really about it. we walk around a LOT even though we're pros at the bus system. we drink lots of toohey's. because it's the best beer on the planet, i'm convinced. aaanddd...that's about it. i don't know how much i'll be reporting from cairns, apparently they charge $1/ 15 minutes for the web. eff that noise right? just know that we'll either be
a. bungee jumping
b. holding koala bears
c. swimming and snorkeling one of the 7 wonders of the world.

"

someone stop me from hating the british

so the first night we were here, there was a knocking on our door at 2 a.m. sketchy right? after knocking three different times, our dorm-mate got up and answered the door. it was some drunk british guy who was like, "this is my dorm." kylee logically said, "no this isn't." so he then told her he was lost which she logically replied, "sorry, i can't help you." and shut the door. we all kind of chuckled, even though we were annoyed.
so, yesterday at breakfast we were talking to some boys at the table who said they went out and got drunk that night. so we asked them if they had knocked on our door. they said it wasn't them, but it was probably someone that was in their group. we carried on with our day as you can tell in my last post.

let me set last night up for you a bit. we're in australia, so it's hot. duh. our room doesn't have a/c but it has a fan, so we just leave the window open at night with the fan going. directly under our window is a little patio you can go out and eat on. there are signs EVERYWHERE saying that it closes at 11:30 so people can sleep along with an ass- ton of signs that say no booze on the premise. smart, right? well apparently this large group of british people can't read, or don't care. from midnight to who knows when, they were out there getting drunk. this isn't the part that bothers me. if they want to drink, that doesn't hurt me. what does is how fucking LOUD they were. think back to elementary school where they said "18 inch voices" would get the other person to hear you just fine and dandy. these guys...they didn't remember that rule. they were YELLING and talking at the very top of their lungs. i also don't mind a good time and having fun, but seriously, they wouldn't shut up. and it was so loud that with our blaring fan going and after slamming the window, i still had to put my pillow over my head which barely muffled the sound.

i did finally fall asleep, not sure when, but i do know that i was awoken AGAIN at 4 a.m. with knocking on our door. wtf. i didn't think that it seriously was happening again. once again, three different times they knocked. i drug my sorry ass out of bed and opened the door, ready to go apeshit.

there were two dudes out there. and before i could even speak one said (insert english accent here), "so i heard i knocked on your door last night and woke you up. i came to apologize and make amends even though i woke you up again. here's a coke!" and proceeded to hand me a half-full coke bottle.

i simply said, "it's four in the morning" he then asked if i was american, which i never really get the vibe is a good thing around here. he then wanted to come inside and hang out and apologize. i told him if he just left, all would be forgiven. by this time, kristan was yelling at him to go away and kylee was yelling at me to shut the door. i was a little nervous though because he got real serious and said, "you're just going to shut the door in my face?"

and then i did anyway.

and then the fuckers knocked again.

this time kylee got up, told them to piss off and everyone was trying to sleep. that she didn't want to hang out with them because she wasn't wasted and running around at 4 in the morning.

needless to say, i'm pretty tired today and a little angry at our very loud and obnoxious english friends. if anyone knocks on our door tonight....there's going to be extreme hell to pay.

HOOOOORRRAAAY!

my bag came. which is awesome. let' me update you on everything so far.
our hostel is in the middle of chinatown, which is really really cool. it's such a mixture of culture everywhere. the city is...amazing. i don't even know how to describe how cool it is.
kristan and i did a bit of exploring yesterday and got some damn good veggie chinese food. authentic, for sure. he took our order in chinese. after eating, i, of course, fell asleep. it was 7:30.
oh, might i mention that my feet were the size of balloons? and i had the worst cankles? i guess flying makes people's feet swell. it was horrible. they were all hot and my stinky socks were digging into my poor little sausage toes.
but yeah, i crashed early.
our hostel mate is actually from australia and has been in sydney for awhile and knows her way around. today she called the bus for us and got the info on which one to take to bondi beach. very nice of her.
so off we went, even though it was completely overcast, we weren't going to let that stop us. it was beautiful, of course. i think it's usually pretty busy, but since today was a weekday and crappy weather, there was hardly anyone out. so we just sat in the sand and talked for a bit and went to a few shops.
we were walking by a little cafe and this one dude was STARING at me. and then he said, "your necklace is amazing." so we sat down and had coffee with them. of course. they were guys in their late thirties who were from the states. they were really nice and didn't once give us the impression that they wanted to sleep with us, so we told them we were happy we found some friends. they might go out to mardi gras with us this weekend.
we met some other guys from california on the bus. they sucked. they were talking up their jobs and how much money they made and how they had this amazing hotel and all that crap. whatever. they were lame.
so tonight we're going to make cilantro lime rice and go out and see what kind of fun stuff we can find. and i'm going to roll around in my bag like a cow dog in manure, just because i'm so happy to have it back.

fuck.

status update:
1. i am in sydney. we didn't crash
2. i'm a greasy monkey. and my armpits reek.
3. luckily, my bag is still at LAX and will be until about thirty hours from now...if i'm lucky
4. they gave me $100 bucks because they lost my bag
5. i slept for maybe 4 hours on the plane.
6. and it wasn't first class. but it's ok. i met some film maker from new york named steve. i wish i would have caught his last name because he looked REAL familiar.
7. kristan gets here in roughly 50 minutes.
8. i can't wait.
9. my bag better fucking be at my hostel tomorrow when i get back from the beach.
10. i was smart enough to pack 1 pair of undies and 1 swimsuit in my carry-on. thank god.

this is interesting already

arrive at BOI, start my check-in. united airline guy says, "you don't have your visa?" and i say, "i need a visa to go to australia just for a two week trip?" united guy, "yeah, you do." so i said, "well, no one ever told me that." i don't think i need to even explain how quickly my pulse increased or how damp my armpits became. luckily, we got here early. and luckily with the advances in technology, dude could type in an electronic visa and swipe my passport in about ten minutes. he was surprised that cheap tickets didn't inform me of this. i wasn't really. maybe they did and i just didn't pay attention. ANYWAYS. then, as dude is finishing up, he looks at me and says, "are you going there to model?" i started laughing hysterically. and told him that was nice of him. but he was still staring at me blankly. i'm still not sure if he was kidding or not. i'm going to assume so. BUT i think he was also convinced because he then says, "well, it looks like you're flying first class."
my pulse rate quickened once again.
i'm still not sure if i'm flying first class or not, but i'm not going to lie, free booze, food, and extra leg room for fourteen hours does not sound too shabby. i'll let you know. i'm trying not to get my hopes up.

9 hours.

pee.