sigh

there comes a point in life when you realize everything is getting old: your car, your surrounding, your parents, yourself. with this realization comes certain responsibilities of "dealing with it."
i'm having a really difficult time with the last part.

it's amazing how a few brief moments can fuck one's whole attitude.
or how it takes five seconds to make a mess and an hour to clean it up.
or one wrong move to change your life.
or one resume, one interview, and you are granted a whole new beginning.
or one bad emotional breakdown could probably ruin your keyboard (i'm NOT crying by the way. it's more destructive than helpful to write when i cry).
it is only tuesday and i have had more stress in these past two days than i have had within the past two-five months. i am sick of letting other people get to me. all i have is myself and i do not have the power to dictate others' reactions to what i say or do. i am ok with that.
i have a ridiculous amount of insecurities and flaws that i have been fortunate enough to have realized or have been called out on. i am not perfect. i am so far from it, it's almost ridiculous. but i have learned a lot about myself within the past 48 hours.
i am weak, weak sauce.

numb

it's days like today that make me positive that i will never believe in god.
i love you elijah.

if i come home and find my full length mirror shattered on the floor into a million pieces, do i still get seven years bad luck?
(it was propped on the windowsill of an open window, so OBVIOUSLY it was an accident waiting to happen)
but still...is it?

i officially locked out the world today.

oh dearest, dear

today, as animals tend to do, one of our dogs died today. she was 14. she was old, yes. and my dad was scared he would have to put her to sleep, which i know would have killed him. when my mom called today to see if i had received an email from my dad, i told her no, which is when she told me poacher died. of course, i started crying. but just a few glistening tears. and mostly because when she talked to my dad, he was crying (the only time i've ever seen my dad cry is when his favorite dog has died). she did everything with him. she went to the middle fork, on float trips, camping trips, all trotting alongside of whatever mule my dad was riding. so, i came home to check to see if he had sent me an email. he had. and i kind of lost it because this is what he wrote:

"To all,

We lost Poacher today just before noon. I came home from the shop and let the dogs out. Poacher went as far as the patio and was panting heavily. She laid down and about 10 minutes later, she was going. At least she didn't give me the pain of having to put her down. Fortunately, I was there to say good-bye. She's resting in the edge of the yard now.

Good bye to a wonderful friend.

Buster"

then he posted these pictures...







i think it's so interesting how people become so attached to animals. but i guess they typically treat you better than other people. i want to call my dad, but i can't hear him cry.

ding!

kristan = home soon = my life getting back on track.

and learning what the equilibrium in my ears is capable of.

and seeing the world.

i miss...

nothing was ever simple, but looking back, it sure feels like it now. i miss meeting new people and the mystery of a city not yet explored.
i miss not being jaded.
i miss the part where life lessons were coming at a rapid, daily pace.
i miss having a friend that i could fully rely on.
i have learned astronomical amounts from a few people over the past few years. and i suppose it's time to move on.



and i want to go to dan's ferry really bad, but there is no one to go with me.

just a thought...

does it seem weird that i think it's completely bizarre that there is even a debate over gay marriage? it seems like such a simple concept to me. two people are in love, let them have the same rights as others who are in love. from what i've heard, those opposed to gay marriage are so because his or her religion "believes" (maybe even wrongfully so, depending on how you take one passage in the bible). but when did everyone in this country become a good, god-fearing christian? not me. is that why i am for gay marriage? no, no, that can't be so. i know plenty of lovely christians who also believe that two people should be able to get married. could this be yet another case in which certain individuals are trying to transform his or her dogma into law? i don't know the answer to that one, but i'm leaning towards yes.
hmmm...what can it be.
i also think it is funny when people say "gay marriage is wrong." huh. i don't remember voting for any of my peers or congress-people to be the morality police....
i know people who think it's wrong to wear white after labor day. but it certainly is not illegal.
logically, there are things in this world that have been widely accepted as being "wrong." smacking a kid is wrong, rape is wrong, driving drunk is wrong. the aforementioned crimes have the tendency to harm people, and take away their rights. but...isn't withholding marriage from people also taking away a certain right...? call me crazy.
is this all a matter of heart (faith) and head (logic)?
i know there is also an issue because marriage is a religious ceremony. wait, let me rephrase...marriage is a religious ceremony if the couple CHOOSES it to be. as far as the marriage certificate goes? oh, it's a legal document. legal. meaning, law. meaning, separation of church and state. but, on the same note, i get it. some people don't want to go as far as to have the same title within their relationship as someone who is gay. why? i don't know. do they think that if gay people get married it will somehow tarnish their marriage license? like...it will burst into flames in their filing cabinet (because that's where people typically keep their legal documents, not on the wall in a frame)? i know that is taking it a bit far. but seriously, if that tends to bother people so much, change the name. it's been discussed: if you want a religious ceremony, call it a marriage. if you want to marry someone you love without all the god-talk, call it a civil union. as long as the two hold the same rights, go for it.
the issue i still see with that is the problem of acceptance. it's hard for me to grasp any sort of understanding how this basically all comes down to acceptance. when is someone going to write a new version of the bible that people are living by these days?
1. love thy neighbor: as long as they aren't TOO different from you and hold the exact same values. if they don't, you can forget that fourth of july bbq you were going to invite them to.
2. god loves everyone: except for everyone who HE made different.

what i am trying to say is, a beautiful thing, that seems so simple to me, has turned into one giant, ugly, hateful mess. and the only reasons against gay marriage i have ever heard are based on faith and not on facts. so if anyone has any reason as to why two people who love each other should not get married, regardless of their sex, that is NOT based on faith, please, let me know. i will probably disagree with you, but i will at least hold your argument valid.

if dreams only came true

i had a dream last night that a customer gave me $1000 check as a tip. and a bunch of lottery tickets. it was awesome.

damnit

sometimes i feel that my ability to be extra friendly and extra comfortable around strangers is going to get me in severe trouble one day.

about a bee could become a bout of bees

may 19, 2009

2:30 pm: i leave my house to run around and do some errands. as i was unlocking my bike, i look up and see a gigantic bee about four feet away from me. he wasn't causing any trouble, but he was ridiculously big, so i obviously took note of him.

6:00 pm: return home from errands. no big deal

8:07 pm: got off phone with kristan and left my apartment. as i was locking the door, i noticed quite a large bug on the hallway wall about fifteen feet down. as i approached, i noticed it was none other than a big ass yellow jacket. i wasn't going to do anything about it. i figured it would just fly out the way it came in (we leave the front door to access our floor wide open since it's so bloody hot up here)

11:12 pm: i return home and i'm pushing my bike through the narrow hallway. i noticed that the bee was gone. i get to my door, and as i reach for the doorknob, i notice the bee. he was ON my doorknob. walking in circles around it. just around and around he went. i was in a predicament. i could either a) slap that bitch off the knob and risk getting stung because there is certainly nowhere to run in that narrow ass hallway. plus i had my bike and i could just abandon it. i'd probably just actually trip over it and get stung anyway. or i could b) use my thumb and my pointer finger to very gently open the door, without disturbing him, get my bike inside, and slowly close the door behind me, careful to watch the knob to make sure he didn't make it inside with me.

i chose b. and it worked. he didn't follow me in. i figured i had seen the last of him.

may 20, 2009
10:30 am: i crawled out of bed to go to the bathroom and lo and behold, that son of a bitch was crawling around on my floor.

i am still dumbstruck how he got in my house. i (ironically) had a yellow tulip skirt folded up on the floor where mr. bee decided to crawl under and hang out. i got a bowl and put it over him. i later took him outside and flung him away.

what all of this represents? i'm not quite sure. but seriously, i have no idea why this bee was after me.

i would say...

i would say that about 5/7 days of the week, i wish i lived somewhere else. the number steadily increases with each passing day that i feel i'm wasting my youth, my brain, and my camaraderie.

for the birds

i hate small talk. i know many people do. even talking to people who i haven't talked to in years.
"so, where are you working these days? oh i love that place! where are you living? the north end!? that's awesome. what's your major? oh you graduated? in what? social work? oh...."
.....crickets.....
no one ever knows what to say after i tell them i majored in social work. baby snatchers they think.

my favorite part is when someone comes up to you in a crowded room and starts talking to you. suddenly when the aforementioned conversation is over. they have no choice but to just stand there and awkwardly stare at you or look around the room to see what other people they could torment with their mindless musings, but then just still standing there anyway.
i honestly wonder how far the human race has made i this far when i think i'm a pretty social person, wants to put a paper bag over my head at the mere thought of these encounters. i think this might be why i haven't been home in two years.

i also think it's weird that some people have "dream cars" as if going fast is the only way to make their lives worth anything. we all know that you can see everything better when you're going slower. take a walk. buy a segway. no. don't buy a segway. what i CAN understand is people building cars. working on them and making them something that is a well-oiled sex machine. you know, it gets them the sex. but they definitely put work into it. it's more of a lifestyle. dream cars are a passing phase. i think chrysler and gm are learning this as well.

i'll tell you what i do like though: fro yo. it's back baby. yesterday i had blueberry/cheesecake fro yo with marshmallow and graham cracker toppings. yes please. it was delicious. and nonfat! (except for the buckets of sugar) but still! no fat! yes!

yes plz

i love this video.

really?!

yesterday, in a gray dress and blue tights, i caught two oreo cookies from a third story window with my umbrella that i had turned upside down. thanks chris and loren.
it was pretty magical.

penny for your thoughts?

if anyone has any confidence to spare, i could sure use some.

i hate nights where i feel like everyone is on a mission to get waaaassted, except for me. it's possibly the most lonely feeling on earth. i think people probably start drinking to avoid that same feeling as i had all night.

back to that confidence thing, really, there is nothing anyone can say or do, i've never felt worse about myself. it's the result of a collection of life experiences involving image. nothing but image. and i would like to have a good one of myself, and FOR myself.

i miss kristan. i can't even say it enough.

who wants to talk about me some more? anyone? anyone? no. shut up becky. you don't even want to hear about you anymore.
someone throw a brick through my window please.

oh, there it is.

that all-too-familiar sick and sour taste that seems to linger on my tongue.

ok dude

don't get me wrong, i love my apartment. i am forever grateful to kyra and anna for setting me up with this sweet gig. however, i have one minor complaint, that doesn't even involve the open window crashing shut in the middle of the night, sounding EXACTLY like someone was breaking in. that was actually pretty funny. my one complaint comes from the dude who lives below me. i don't typically hear my neighbors, except the girl next door to me, and that's only when she's in her kitchen. and it's no big deal. HOWEVER, every saturday or sunday morning, dude below me starts playing shitty old music extra loud. one day i was taking a nap and was actually singing along to the songs he was playing in my dreams. i shouldn't say all his music is shitty. one day he did actually play ratatat. but the downside? he played the same song about ten times in a row. today it's that old jimmy eat world song. i don't even know what it is called. that famous one that everyone loved FIVE YEARS AGO.

the worst part?
i can hear his crappy voice singing along to it. i am definitely for people liking music and enjoying it. i am also pro-understanding that you live in a shared building with people who might not appreciate you.

that is all.
as soon as my holgas come (that's right, they still aren't here, and i'm not going to CHEAT cool pictures like someone i know) i'm going to take me a trip to dan's ferry and see how many rolls i can waste. and see how many times i have to stop and cry because i miss kristan so bad.

who wants to go with me!?

oh haaaay

kristan, my bike, which now kinda matches your bike, awaits for your arrival.
someday.

today...

is going to be a very good day.

pfff.

this is stupid. i have soy sauce in my hair. it's raining. it has been all day. sometimes, very rarely, i wish i had made different choices in the past.
but now is one of those times.
so i plan on making really good, guilt and regret-free choices in the future.
be careful babies, be very careful with your little blood pumpers.

i'm an idiot

last night i locked my bike lock to the bike rack. but not my bike. and then left it there while i was at work.
miraculously, my bike was still there when i returned. i never get that lucky!

in other news, i impatiently await the arrival of THIS:

hmmm

what do you think worries people more:
1.) when people talk about them
2.) when people STOP talking about them.
i'm going to go with the latter.

i frequently wonder if there is any such thing as actual selflessness.

me, me, me. when a situation isn't about me, i'm going to make it about me. because i'm the only me there is and everyone else should recognize that.

sometimes people make me gag on that dangly in the back of my throat. and spit.

what have i done to myself

if my emotions took the form of a human, this is what would happen:

emotion-man would go to the doctor for a routine check-up. during this check-up, something very interesting would happen.
while my emotion-man looked like a fine individual on the outside, x-rays would reveal someone that looked like they were in a head-on collision.

lacerated sadness of the liver
punctured lung of happiness
ruptured kidney of confusion on one side
other ruptured kidney of jealousy
the ulcer of love slowly oozed into the stomach of despair
while the heart of ambition and adventure steadily thumped away, but with very clogged arteries. it won't be long now.
while all of these organs were leaking toxic chemicals into emotion-man's main core, he seemed to be progressing fine through his everyday life. it's amazing what you'll find inside people.

it's funny that we lie to each other, not ever to make anyone else feel better, but only ourselves. no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves of the former. it's even better when we lie to ourselves.

i'm stuck in purgatory in all forms. boise is ok, but it isn't great. and it certainly isn't super crappy. my well-being is ok, but why do i keep robbing myself of any and all opportunities?
where have my true friends gone? when will the sunshine stay? when will i finally want to drag myself out of my apartment and be ok with everything?
someone find me a new home.
someone find me inspiration of any sort.
someone find me a creative outlet.
if you need me, i'll be sleeping.

i hope no one ever takes me seriously again.

goodnight.

sometimes i wish the world had an eyelid.

le sigh

i'm hot.

by now, kristan and i are super sick of cairns. luckily yesterday, one of the boys we met dancing took us to creeks. fresh water creeks, with no jellyfish. however, there was the threat of crocodiles. this, scared the shit out of me. and so does water anyway. but i got a little wet. and that's all that matters.

qantas apparently doesn't work on weekends. apparently i can't order a vegetarian meal. apprently they hate americans too.

we met 4 australian footballers. who all happen to be italian. they spent their time in cairns completely drunk from about 2 pm until...they fell asleep at 7 am. they knew how to party, and were pretty nice. it was good to have some company, because, what else were we going to do? all the bars here are god-awful, as i'm sure i already written. plus, they were nice to look at. i think i feel slightly homesick today because i'm sick of sweating and not even moving. and i miss people. and i want kristan to come home with me.

i told kristan last night that i'm pretty sure i gained a little new perspective on this trip, which is what i was aiming for. it's hard to get sucked into the vortex that is boise. it's nice to see that people are getting out, going places, learning new things, having discussions, everything. everything's good.
except for mexican food in australia. last night i paid $45 for the smallest, crappiest, most tasteless enchiladas and watered down margarita EVER. we are spoiled with our mexican food. luckily we ran into our aussie/italian soccer friends to give us pizza immediately after. thanks boys.

did i mention how cute kolas were? oh geez. i miss everyone. lots. i'll be seeing all your pale faces soon.

dear woolshed,

go eat a dick.

i hate your dancing girls on the tables. there has to be some health code violation regarding that. especially in this heat. i don't want to eat off a table where a girl's cha-cha sweat has dripped.

we also don't like your 45 year old english men who have watched every single episode of the "pick up artist" and taken ALL of their advice to hit on 23 year old girls.

it was ridiculous. old guy #1 was hitting on me. his "wingman" eventually brought him a drink and started talking to kristan. so stupid. the main topic of conversation is usually politics, of course, and how everyone hates americans. because, well, they typically do.
BUT i knew this guy had other things in mind when i said, "everyone hates americans" and he said, "why?"
and i said, "because our government"
and he said, "that's not your fault."
INSTANTLY KNEW he was trying to get his old man parts in my young girl pants. please. you're old enough to know that everyone hates americans and why they do.
we basically had to sneak out of the place to get rid of them. they didn't really respect personal bubbles either. ew.

fortunately i drug kristan into one more crowded bar, with less old farts, where we found 2 boys hard-core dancing to dance music. so we laughed and danced with them. they did not try and hit on us. so we liked them. and it was fun. some bitch cut my leg with her dumb high-heel. and i've never sweated so much in my life. dancing + humidity + high temperatures = sweat bath. hawt!

however, we DID hold koala bears yesterday. photos don't do them justice. they're so.
SO. SOOOO fucking cute. hot damn. and not as stinky as expected, which was nice.

oh yeah. and those aussie soccer players. read kristan'd blog. i'm pretty sure she wrote about them.

wait...she just erased half of it. maybe you'll be able to read about them.

today just sucks. it's hot. we ran out of shit to do. and the locals are starting to recognize us. that can't be good. i just want to sit and sweat in the air-con all day.

glub glub

today kristan and i went to the great barrier reef. we got up super early and walked to a boat, got on it, lathered on "sun cream" and headed out. now, here is the thing, for those of you who know me understand that i have a completely irrational fear of deep water. so i thought i was doing great when i signed up for the brief ten-minute trial run for scuba diving. after ten minutes of being comfortable, you have the option to go on a full dive.

so. we get this cape thing where there was reef, but not "the great barrier reef," they put a ridiculously heaving breathing thingy on your back, along with weights to help you sink, and you jump into the water and hold onto a rope. soo...it's really hard for me to breath out of my mouth unless i'm sick right? so i was having a hard time, even though these amazingly rad fish were swimming all around. big flat batfish or something. anyways, i kinda freaked out and got out. BUT kristan when on the full trip and got to touch sea turtles! so jealous. but i was so safe on that little boat, out of the water. she said at one moment she had a slight panic attack and thought she couldn't breathe, so she had to come to the surface for a hot second.

oh, did i forget to mention we put on these ridiculous stinger-resistant suits? if you read my last blog, you'd know it was jelly season down here. we looked amazing.

while she was swimming with the fishies, i went over to the cape thing. there's only about a 100 foot stretch of the island people can be on because it's a bird sanctuary, but that's cool. i grabbed a little floaty device so i couldn't drown and snorkeled around for a bit. and it was AMAZING. giant clams, such colorful coral, bunches of fishes. i didn't see any turtles when i was under, but i saw one when i got back on the boat.

THEN they took us to the reef where we could snorkel around. also very very beautiful. there were weird table-like formations, the "brain" reef, parrot fish? and bunches of other stuff. it was a great experience even though my throat was pretty sore from ingesting all the salt water. oh, and i didn't wear my stinger suit the second time around. teeny tiny coral pieces break off and kinda poke you in the bod as you're swimming around, which tended to freak me out, thinking it was a jelly, but i was luckily wrong.

so then we made our way back, got a lil' sunburnt, and drank some toohey's. such a good day overall. tomorrow we meet the koala bears.

bungeeeeee

holy.
shit.

that was insane-o.
i suggest everyone bungee over the rain forest.

*sigh* this

i feel like i'm living a dream. i was sitting at dinner tonight thinking about how awful it would be to wake up and realize that this wasn't real. sydney is such an incredible city. it's full of everything i ever wanted: culture, sunshine, and a wide variety of food.

today we went to manly beach. it's about a 30 minute ferry ride from the harbor. as i said the other day, when we went to bondi beach, it was pretty crappy weather, which didn't necessarily ruin the experience, it just wasn't as awesome. so as we were boarding the ferry, we saw a girl that we typically see at the breakfast table at the hostel by herself. we didn't know her at all, so we asked her if she wanted to hang out with us at the beach. her name is fredrica (i probably butchered that spelling) and she is from germany. and oh my gosh. the beach was amazing. fredrica fit right in with us. she went out and started crashing through the waves. kristan and i followed. that's right, i faced the ocean. and it was scary, but SO fun. but i'm not so good at having salt water in my eyes, so i went back to the towel a bit early. we decided it was time to leave the beach after an abnormally large wave came spilling up the beach and drowned all of our belongings as we scrambled to pull as much away as possible. my sandals went floating out to sea, however. BUT kristan saved the day and went bombing out into the frothy water and sloshed around until she found both of them.

*break*

this is now two days later. we've gone from sydney (the greatest town on earth) and made it to cairns. after the beach we went to mardi gras. mardi gras is nothing like you think it is in the states. i didn't see any boobs and i didn't see any beads. but what i did see, were many drag queens and close to 1 million people stuffed within about a 4 block radius. there was such good energy in the air. it was simply a pride festival. and we spent it with three other amazing ladies from around the globe. the only crappy thing is that we arrived a little late. the parade starts at 8 pm and people apparently had camped out to get good seats. we didn't get there until about...8. there were about 4 rows of people back on each street, the last row standing on stools. past that there was simply a gigantic MOB of people, shoulder to shoulder, with no breathing room. i brushed bodies with many a half-naked boys who were with a dozen other half-naky boys. on the prowl for mostly naky boys. it was great. eventually, we found an alley that, even though still stuffed with people, miraculously had a window about 3 and a half feet up. so i had kristan boost me up there where i could see the parade, above everyone's heads. the police told me to move. i didn't. but they moved on anyway, so what do i care? it was a really great experience and i'm glad i didn't fall and break my neck off the windowsill.

so like i said, we're now in cairns. the day before we got here, a cyclone ripped through. apparently it was only a category 2 and moved up the coast. it's now a category 5. i'm glad we're not there. it's ridiculously hot here. thank GOD for a/c. i wouldn't make it without it. cairns is pretty small, probably the size of boise. today we went to a beach, thinking that it would save us from this heat and humidity. after a 40 minute bus ride, we got to the beach and it was CLOSED. the whole fucking thing. jelly season. they usually have nets up, but i guess they were extra bad today. so we cut our losses and bussed back. when i got extra car-sick. after my bout of nausea, we made it down to this pool/lagoon thing in the city and swam around. that was nice. but now it's dinner time and i'm running out of money on my internet. i'll write more soon.

drugs!

please don't have strep throat, please don't have strep throat, pleasedon'thavestrepthroat.

my throat feels funky. last time it felt like this...i had strep. and what a good way to ruin a trip hmm? i'm going to attack it with oranges, airborne, sunshine. i bet it was from the airplane. fuck.
whatever it is, i'm killing it.

today's our last day in sydney. we plan on the beach and mardi gras. that's about it. we did the whole tourist thing the other day. the opera house, the bridge, the rocks, the awkward pizza shop where we were the only ones eating and got stared at the whole time by the all-male staff. i'm pretty sure everyone goes through that right?

our new roomies are pretty rad. we've got pria from sweden and hannah from britain. i like hannah. she isn't like the other brits that stayed here.

i really wish there was more to report, but that's really about it. we walk around a LOT even though we're pros at the bus system. we drink lots of toohey's. because it's the best beer on the planet, i'm convinced. aaanddd...that's about it. i don't know how much i'll be reporting from cairns, apparently they charge $1/ 15 minutes for the web. eff that noise right? just know that we'll either be
a. bungee jumping
b. holding koala bears
c. swimming and snorkeling one of the 7 wonders of the world.

"

someone stop me from hating the british

so the first night we were here, there was a knocking on our door at 2 a.m. sketchy right? after knocking three different times, our dorm-mate got up and answered the door. it was some drunk british guy who was like, "this is my dorm." kylee logically said, "no this isn't." so he then told her he was lost which she logically replied, "sorry, i can't help you." and shut the door. we all kind of chuckled, even though we were annoyed.
so, yesterday at breakfast we were talking to some boys at the table who said they went out and got drunk that night. so we asked them if they had knocked on our door. they said it wasn't them, but it was probably someone that was in their group. we carried on with our day as you can tell in my last post.

let me set last night up for you a bit. we're in australia, so it's hot. duh. our room doesn't have a/c but it has a fan, so we just leave the window open at night with the fan going. directly under our window is a little patio you can go out and eat on. there are signs EVERYWHERE saying that it closes at 11:30 so people can sleep along with an ass- ton of signs that say no booze on the premise. smart, right? well apparently this large group of british people can't read, or don't care. from midnight to who knows when, they were out there getting drunk. this isn't the part that bothers me. if they want to drink, that doesn't hurt me. what does is how fucking LOUD they were. think back to elementary school where they said "18 inch voices" would get the other person to hear you just fine and dandy. these guys...they didn't remember that rule. they were YELLING and talking at the very top of their lungs. i also don't mind a good time and having fun, but seriously, they wouldn't shut up. and it was so loud that with our blaring fan going and after slamming the window, i still had to put my pillow over my head which barely muffled the sound.

i did finally fall asleep, not sure when, but i do know that i was awoken AGAIN at 4 a.m. with knocking on our door. wtf. i didn't think that it seriously was happening again. once again, three different times they knocked. i drug my sorry ass out of bed and opened the door, ready to go apeshit.

there were two dudes out there. and before i could even speak one said (insert english accent here), "so i heard i knocked on your door last night and woke you up. i came to apologize and make amends even though i woke you up again. here's a coke!" and proceeded to hand me a half-full coke bottle.

i simply said, "it's four in the morning" he then asked if i was american, which i never really get the vibe is a good thing around here. he then wanted to come inside and hang out and apologize. i told him if he just left, all would be forgiven. by this time, kristan was yelling at him to go away and kylee was yelling at me to shut the door. i was a little nervous though because he got real serious and said, "you're just going to shut the door in my face?"

and then i did anyway.

and then the fuckers knocked again.

this time kylee got up, told them to piss off and everyone was trying to sleep. that she didn't want to hang out with them because she wasn't wasted and running around at 4 in the morning.

needless to say, i'm pretty tired today and a little angry at our very loud and obnoxious english friends. if anyone knocks on our door tonight....there's going to be extreme hell to pay.

HOOOOORRRAAAY!

my bag came. which is awesome. let' me update you on everything so far.
our hostel is in the middle of chinatown, which is really really cool. it's such a mixture of culture everywhere. the city is...amazing. i don't even know how to describe how cool it is.
kristan and i did a bit of exploring yesterday and got some damn good veggie chinese food. authentic, for sure. he took our order in chinese. after eating, i, of course, fell asleep. it was 7:30.
oh, might i mention that my feet were the size of balloons? and i had the worst cankles? i guess flying makes people's feet swell. it was horrible. they were all hot and my stinky socks were digging into my poor little sausage toes.
but yeah, i crashed early.
our hostel mate is actually from australia and has been in sydney for awhile and knows her way around. today she called the bus for us and got the info on which one to take to bondi beach. very nice of her.
so off we went, even though it was completely overcast, we weren't going to let that stop us. it was beautiful, of course. i think it's usually pretty busy, but since today was a weekday and crappy weather, there was hardly anyone out. so we just sat in the sand and talked for a bit and went to a few shops.
we were walking by a little cafe and this one dude was STARING at me. and then he said, "your necklace is amazing." so we sat down and had coffee with them. of course. they were guys in their late thirties who were from the states. they were really nice and didn't once give us the impression that they wanted to sleep with us, so we told them we were happy we found some friends. they might go out to mardi gras with us this weekend.
we met some other guys from california on the bus. they sucked. they were talking up their jobs and how much money they made and how they had this amazing hotel and all that crap. whatever. they were lame.
so tonight we're going to make cilantro lime rice and go out and see what kind of fun stuff we can find. and i'm going to roll around in my bag like a cow dog in manure, just because i'm so happy to have it back.

fuck.

status update:
1. i am in sydney. we didn't crash
2. i'm a greasy monkey. and my armpits reek.
3. luckily, my bag is still at LAX and will be until about thirty hours from now...if i'm lucky
4. they gave me $100 bucks because they lost my bag
5. i slept for maybe 4 hours on the plane.
6. and it wasn't first class. but it's ok. i met some film maker from new york named steve. i wish i would have caught his last name because he looked REAL familiar.
7. kristan gets here in roughly 50 minutes.
8. i can't wait.
9. my bag better fucking be at my hostel tomorrow when i get back from the beach.
10. i was smart enough to pack 1 pair of undies and 1 swimsuit in my carry-on. thank god.

this is interesting already

arrive at BOI, start my check-in. united airline guy says, "you don't have your visa?" and i say, "i need a visa to go to australia just for a two week trip?" united guy, "yeah, you do." so i said, "well, no one ever told me that." i don't think i need to even explain how quickly my pulse increased or how damp my armpits became. luckily, we got here early. and luckily with the advances in technology, dude could type in an electronic visa and swipe my passport in about ten minutes. he was surprised that cheap tickets didn't inform me of this. i wasn't really. maybe they did and i just didn't pay attention. ANYWAYS. then, as dude is finishing up, he looks at me and says, "are you going there to model?" i started laughing hysterically. and told him that was nice of him. but he was still staring at me blankly. i'm still not sure if he was kidding or not. i'm going to assume so. BUT i think he was also convinced because he then says, "well, it looks like you're flying first class."
my pulse rate quickened once again.
i'm still not sure if i'm flying first class or not, but i'm not going to lie, free booze, food, and extra leg room for fourteen hours does not sound too shabby. i'll let you know. i'm trying not to get my hopes up.

9 hours.

pee.

ew

today was the first day i saw a spider in my apartment.
if that means that spring's coming, i won't even complain.

sister, won't you rise with me?

so. as you all know, i started this blog to document my experiences in the land down under. but what some of you did not know is that i'm embarking on this adventure to visit one of the best friends i've ever had, miss kristan. from the time i was buying bag balm for my stinging tattoo at the pharmacy, i knew this girl was something special. over the next year and a half or so i got to know her real, real well. for some reason, whatever that may be, some experiences in our lives were almost EXACTLY in sync, drawing us closer together. we bonded over boys, mistakes, the pain of winter, the aches of school, and the achingly smallness of boise. i can't tell you how many times we spent smiling over something stupid like ice cream, mojitos, a show, a magazine, strange experiences, and everything. i also can't tell you how many times we spent crying over something even stupider like boys, family problems, friend problems, bad days, customer service jobs, or even some cases, asshole dentists.
we once took a trip to austin where we watched yeasayer videos over and over again on the plane as it sometimes bumped through bad bouts of turbulence (where i almost lost my vom on the 19 year old's lap next to me), only to be tremendously disappointed that we didn't feel as much passion in the musicians in their actual LP.
we went without a plan. in doing so, we sweated. a lot.
we made our way to a quite expensive rilo kiley show (well worth the money) where a homeless man tried to sell me a puffin made of tin foil. i refused to pay him however, because he failed to listen when i said puffins looked NOTHING like owls (the finished product definitely had owl features).
we walked through beautiful gardens stuffed with plants that i've only looked at in magazines (idaho is reaaaal dry) and we stumbled through our heat-induced drunkenness to our savior: barton springs. here we didn't do much except step into the 60-something degree water and freeze from the waist down and sweat on the top up. it didn't matter though. as much as we didn't do that day, i felt completely comfortable with my kristan. we didn't do tons the whole trip at all, which may seem like a waste to some, but to me, it was perfect.
kristan has said more than once, "i feel like you guys really are my best friends for life you know?" i think once may have even be through a tear-streaked face, choked back with sobbing mumbles. simply meaning that friends and people do come and go, but the BBB were some that she couldn't see her life without.
i too, feel like kristan is someone that i want in my life forever. many people say that their boyfriend or girlfriend understands them on a different level, but i think feel that kristan really understands me on the plane that i'm scared to ever let a significant other see.
when kristan left, we stood on the sidewalk of 17th and bannock hugging each other and crying until our eyes burned. i refused to even talk to her about her leaving until she actually left. i don't do well with these sort of things. i'll never be sure what those people who drove by thought of us to crazies standing on the sidewalk for so long were crying over, but it doesn't matter. when i got in my car to leave, it took me three times to start it, almost like it knew what was happening. like if it didn't move, i could hang out with kristan for just a bit more time.
i miss her more than i miss anyone i ever have. she never really outright comes and says she is homesick, but i'll willingly admit that i'm homesick for her. sometimes i don't even feel like myself without her, but i'm slowly learning. i think some may call that co-dependency... i know she is having a wonderful time and living her life to the fullest. and i'm very, very happy for that.
regardless, i am soon to spend two full weeks with her, experiencing part of life that neither of us have ever really experienced. and for that, i am MOST grateful.
kristan, i love you. i can't wait to see you.

my mouth tastes like chunks

we saw these in the mall today. and then i found this advertisement. it's not hard to believe that the parents were ugly. it is, however, hard to believe that people buy this cheaply made, spongy shit. the next person i see in business casual wearing high-heeled crocs, i'm going to kick in the taco.

and away we go!

i'm going to start this blog for my trip to the land of oz.

just so you all know. whoever "all" may be.