i'm an idiot

last night i locked my bike lock to the bike rack. but not my bike. and then left it there while i was at work.
miraculously, my bike was still there when i returned. i never get that lucky!

in other news, i impatiently await the arrival of THIS:

hmmm

what do you think worries people more:
1.) when people talk about them
2.) when people STOP talking about them.
i'm going to go with the latter.

i frequently wonder if there is any such thing as actual selflessness.

me, me, me. when a situation isn't about me, i'm going to make it about me. because i'm the only me there is and everyone else should recognize that.

sometimes people make me gag on that dangly in the back of my throat. and spit.

what have i done to myself

if my emotions took the form of a human, this is what would happen:

emotion-man would go to the doctor for a routine check-up. during this check-up, something very interesting would happen.
while my emotion-man looked like a fine individual on the outside, x-rays would reveal someone that looked like they were in a head-on collision.

lacerated sadness of the liver
punctured lung of happiness
ruptured kidney of confusion on one side
other ruptured kidney of jealousy
the ulcer of love slowly oozed into the stomach of despair
while the heart of ambition and adventure steadily thumped away, but with very clogged arteries. it won't be long now.
while all of these organs were leaking toxic chemicals into emotion-man's main core, he seemed to be progressing fine through his everyday life. it's amazing what you'll find inside people.

it's funny that we lie to each other, not ever to make anyone else feel better, but only ourselves. no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves of the former. it's even better when we lie to ourselves.

i'm stuck in purgatory in all forms. boise is ok, but it isn't great. and it certainly isn't super crappy. my well-being is ok, but why do i keep robbing myself of any and all opportunities?
where have my true friends gone? when will the sunshine stay? when will i finally want to drag myself out of my apartment and be ok with everything?
someone find me a new home.
someone find me inspiration of any sort.
someone find me a creative outlet.
if you need me, i'll be sleeping.

i hope no one ever takes me seriously again.

goodnight.

sometimes i wish the world had an eyelid.

le sigh

i'm hot.

by now, kristan and i are super sick of cairns. luckily yesterday, one of the boys we met dancing took us to creeks. fresh water creeks, with no jellyfish. however, there was the threat of crocodiles. this, scared the shit out of me. and so does water anyway. but i got a little wet. and that's all that matters.

qantas apparently doesn't work on weekends. apparently i can't order a vegetarian meal. apprently they hate americans too.

we met 4 australian footballers. who all happen to be italian. they spent their time in cairns completely drunk from about 2 pm until...they fell asleep at 7 am. they knew how to party, and were pretty nice. it was good to have some company, because, what else were we going to do? all the bars here are god-awful, as i'm sure i already written. plus, they were nice to look at. i think i feel slightly homesick today because i'm sick of sweating and not even moving. and i miss people. and i want kristan to come home with me.

i told kristan last night that i'm pretty sure i gained a little new perspective on this trip, which is what i was aiming for. it's hard to get sucked into the vortex that is boise. it's nice to see that people are getting out, going places, learning new things, having discussions, everything. everything's good.
except for mexican food in australia. last night i paid $45 for the smallest, crappiest, most tasteless enchiladas and watered down margarita EVER. we are spoiled with our mexican food. luckily we ran into our aussie/italian soccer friends to give us pizza immediately after. thanks boys.

did i mention how cute kolas were? oh geez. i miss everyone. lots. i'll be seeing all your pale faces soon.

dear woolshed,

go eat a dick.

i hate your dancing girls on the tables. there has to be some health code violation regarding that. especially in this heat. i don't want to eat off a table where a girl's cha-cha sweat has dripped.

we also don't like your 45 year old english men who have watched every single episode of the "pick up artist" and taken ALL of their advice to hit on 23 year old girls.

it was ridiculous. old guy #1 was hitting on me. his "wingman" eventually brought him a drink and started talking to kristan. so stupid. the main topic of conversation is usually politics, of course, and how everyone hates americans. because, well, they typically do.
BUT i knew this guy had other things in mind when i said, "everyone hates americans" and he said, "why?"
and i said, "because our government"
and he said, "that's not your fault."
INSTANTLY KNEW he was trying to get his old man parts in my young girl pants. please. you're old enough to know that everyone hates americans and why they do.
we basically had to sneak out of the place to get rid of them. they didn't really respect personal bubbles either. ew.

fortunately i drug kristan into one more crowded bar, with less old farts, where we found 2 boys hard-core dancing to dance music. so we laughed and danced with them. they did not try and hit on us. so we liked them. and it was fun. some bitch cut my leg with her dumb high-heel. and i've never sweated so much in my life. dancing + humidity + high temperatures = sweat bath. hawt!

however, we DID hold koala bears yesterday. photos don't do them justice. they're so.
SO. SOOOO fucking cute. hot damn. and not as stinky as expected, which was nice.

oh yeah. and those aussie soccer players. read kristan'd blog. i'm pretty sure she wrote about them.

wait...she just erased half of it. maybe you'll be able to read about them.

today just sucks. it's hot. we ran out of shit to do. and the locals are starting to recognize us. that can't be good. i just want to sit and sweat in the air-con all day.

glub glub

today kristan and i went to the great barrier reef. we got up super early and walked to a boat, got on it, lathered on "sun cream" and headed out. now, here is the thing, for those of you who know me understand that i have a completely irrational fear of deep water. so i thought i was doing great when i signed up for the brief ten-minute trial run for scuba diving. after ten minutes of being comfortable, you have the option to go on a full dive.

so. we get this cape thing where there was reef, but not "the great barrier reef," they put a ridiculously heaving breathing thingy on your back, along with weights to help you sink, and you jump into the water and hold onto a rope. soo...it's really hard for me to breath out of my mouth unless i'm sick right? so i was having a hard time, even though these amazingly rad fish were swimming all around. big flat batfish or something. anyways, i kinda freaked out and got out. BUT kristan when on the full trip and got to touch sea turtles! so jealous. but i was so safe on that little boat, out of the water. she said at one moment she had a slight panic attack and thought she couldn't breathe, so she had to come to the surface for a hot second.

oh, did i forget to mention we put on these ridiculous stinger-resistant suits? if you read my last blog, you'd know it was jelly season down here. we looked amazing.

while she was swimming with the fishies, i went over to the cape thing. there's only about a 100 foot stretch of the island people can be on because it's a bird sanctuary, but that's cool. i grabbed a little floaty device so i couldn't drown and snorkeled around for a bit. and it was AMAZING. giant clams, such colorful coral, bunches of fishes. i didn't see any turtles when i was under, but i saw one when i got back on the boat.

THEN they took us to the reef where we could snorkel around. also very very beautiful. there were weird table-like formations, the "brain" reef, parrot fish? and bunches of other stuff. it was a great experience even though my throat was pretty sore from ingesting all the salt water. oh, and i didn't wear my stinger suit the second time around. teeny tiny coral pieces break off and kinda poke you in the bod as you're swimming around, which tended to freak me out, thinking it was a jelly, but i was luckily wrong.

so then we made our way back, got a lil' sunburnt, and drank some toohey's. such a good day overall. tomorrow we meet the koala bears.